Myths, Statistics, and Expectations... Life after college

As a recent college graduate this post is a little bit more personal but of course still all my opinion and meant to bring in even more conversation and opinions! "What are you doing now?!" The most daunting and stressful question to a college graduate (well to me at least). What do you mean? Can I catch my breathe? No really... as a college graduate you can't breathe for a little you must go on to the next. Says who you ask? Well this stuck up lady named Society. She tells you exactly what your journey should be based on myths, statistics, and HER expectations.

Society and her myths can be destructive to a college graduate's or anyone else's self esteem. Here are some myths of hers I've heard:

1. A college degree will get you the job you want or if you work hard and intern that dream job will be lined up when you graduate.

According to Forbes, "60% of college grads can't find work in their field." 

My opinion: Sometimes it has not a slightest amount about what you did or accomplishment during undergrad but about if the hiring manager was part of your sorority. And no I don't mean networking because you can be networking with everyone in a room and that one person that left the second you got to the party was the CEO of your dream company. It's chance! Now here's the thing networking, college degrees, and internships all prepare you for when that opportunity comes! But what Mrs. Society fails to tell you is that the path to your dream job is a JOURNEY. It may be right after college for some but not all. The key is not to get discouraged but to continue to work hard with no inhibitions or regrets. And yes I'm part of that statistic that hasn't landed their dream job and I had about four internships during my undergrad. At one point, I was doing two internships at the same time! *cough cough* Hi fashion PR companies! I'll gladly send you my resume ;)

Photo Courtesy of rccblog.com

 2. You will find your calling during your undergraduate years. 

My opinion: You may find the general area of what your calling in life might be but its not until you start to experience real work life that you find your niches in the world. The places where you really belong and where you can leverage your talent as an inspiration to others. Someone may have studied Marine Biology but has found their niche in giving speeches around the world about keeping the oceans pollution free. And if you're ADHD (self diagnosed but may just be scatter brained) like me and have several things that you love, it will take a while to find your niche or your leverage on the world. I'm still finding my way to leverage my many talents to be an inspiration and I believe it will have something to do with my voice... you know since I like to talk a lot!

Photo Courtesy of fistfuloftalent.com

3. You have to graduate in 4 years.

My opinion: Mrs. Society take the stick out your rear end! We live in a modern world, life happens. A bachelors degree is for YOU and no one else. You finish when you can. Of course don't lose motivation but there are so many people who turn their noses at those who are still in college after 5 years. YOU DON'T KNOW THEIR LIFE. Society should be an encouragement to those in school after 4 years and not a scorning mother. Some are taking on a double major, some had life issues and missed semesters, or wanted to make sure they chose the right major. BUT they're still there pressing on. Remember 4 years is only the estimated graduation time not the standard. 

Photo Courtesy of quickmeme.com

4. You'll meet some of your best friends and future life long mate in college.

My opinion: This may be the case for a lot of undergrads but it shouldn't be set as a standard. In my case, I met a lot of great people during my college years and some horrible not so great people. But I realized that my closest friends you know the ones that take things to the grave and stick with you through anything, those are crazy enough from ELEMENTARY. Rare... I know. Big slap in the face to you madame society! I can tell you this... society caused me to be a little discouraged that I did not acquire a bestie as graduation rolled around but as I walked out the ceremony and saw my two elementary  bffs I realized everyone has their own experiences and mine were unique to me and for a reason. As for a mate, that's a laugh. Since when was undergrad match.com?? By the time they finish sleeping with the entire campus they mature enough to realize what they want you'll be graduating with your master's (obviously this is a generalization so don't get your panties in a bunch!) You can find a future mate anywhere not everyone's journey consists of a college sweetheart. Remember it may be for some but not all!

Photo Courtesy of memegenerator.net 

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There are so many more myths about life after college and life in general that Mrs. Society with her snooty rules tells us must happen next which in return alters our expectations and eventually discourages us when they aren't met in the order we were told they should be. If there is one thing I've learned as a recent graduate it's that everyone's journey is different.  That's something I wish I was told as I graduated from high school and prepared for my college life. Things may not always happen the way you think they might but the desire and passion in your heart will be fulfilled. I learned that it's more about your calling than it is your profession and each experience you go through good or bad is just taking you straight to your purpose. Instead of stressing about a career after college, let's think about how we want to inspire others with our talents and the rest will come!

"Success is a journey, not a destination." - Ben Sweetland

What myths created by society have you discovered? Do you agree with my myths? 

*Remember the conversation never stops here, it begins. Have a voice, make it count.*

Don't Be Delusional...

The topic of thirst has been prevalent in this generation of relationships. For those of you who think I am speaking about a physical dehydrated state are sadly mistaken.

The urban term "thirst" according to UrbanDictionary.com:

A form of lust of or want of members of the opposite sex. This term can refer to both males and females. In the simplest terms it is EXTREME desperation to receive attention from the opposite sex. Now I know there is much debate as to what exactly is being thirsty vs. being nice or flirting. I have one answer my parched friends DELUSIONS! Say it with me D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N-S...  We all fall victim to the tricks of the mind, thinking someone may be into us but really aren't. HOWEVER, once you crossover to delusion you'll find yourself doing such thirsty acts you never thought you would do. Sadly, I've seen it before girls in the club hot breathe all in a dudes ear and he's looking at the chick next to her! Or the guy that continues to go above and beyond for a girl that never even makes eye contact with them! Now I'm not the pot calling the kettle black, I've had my share of "what were you thinking" moments (this isn't a personal diary so you won't be hearing those stories) but I don't believe I've ever crossed into the delusional realm.  My Opinion (Buckle up!) Women... oh women. Don't lower yourselves to become delusional naive little girls because one boy walked into your world (kinda sounded like a spoken word for a second *Snaps Snaps*). Girls are so quick to call up their girlfriends and tell them all about "THAT guy". Yup... the one they just met at the mall, but they're already calling their boo. Slow your role. Just because you meet a guy and he smiles at you and you both exchange numbers doesn't mean he's head over heels for you and you should NOT be infatuated him either. He could be talking to other women while texting you or he may even have a girlfriend or worse babymama drama. So I will say it again SLOW YOUR ROLE! Your desperation is showing like a ratchet women's tracks... just stop! Act like the strong woman you are and focus on your dreams and aspirations. Walk into a club with your confidence as high as your heels, talk to guys, hand out numbers, DO YOU BOO BOO! But don't linger around or get upset if he talks or dances with other girls, go hang out with other guys! If he likes you he'll contact you... TRUST. As women, we get so caught up in worrying about whether we will ever find a decent man that we lose all sight of reality and self worth! A man likes someone they can chase. The more you latch on to them like a spider monkey, the less attractive you become. So get yourself a gallon of natural spring water and have a seat.  Men... yes men can suffer from these thirsty delusions as well. They are seduced by the big booty or busty (whichever floats their boat) females, they think are heaven sent, but stay giving ya'll the wrong name and number but you continue to shower them with compliments saying, "Nah, she's just playing hard to get," and you show out and buy them SEVERAL drinks and expect them to text you the next day, when they never so much as asked for your name. CHILL BRUH! She may be a dime, but she's a dime thats not into you. Take one for the team and move on because she's telling her friends how pathetically thirsty you are. I get that men are the pursuers so I understand the persistence they have but making sexual or intimate references after talking to someone for a couple days? THIRST. If a girl turns you down MOVE ON. I can't tell you how many times I turned down a dude (in a very polite manner) and they continued to follow me and hassle me all while telling me they can change my life and their not like these other guys. THIRST. You're doing too much. Take the loss and move on to the next team. There's nothing worse than a dehydrated man on the loose. Grab a Gatorade... and a chair.  Focus on being great and everything else will fall into place. "Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you." - Loretta Young  Do you think women/men these days are desperate to be in a relationship?  *Remember the conversation never stops here, it begins. Have a voice, make it count.*

Do women set too high of a standard for men?

YES... a very sensitive topic. I recently had a conversation with one of my girlfriends (you know our weekly girl talk: men, fashion, and how we run the world). She told me that she started this new pact with herself to set HIGH standards for the man she allows in her life and not to bend these standards. Her qualifications included college graduate, well paid job, and older in age among other things. Now, I've heard both sides to this issue of whether women's standards are too high. Majority of men say that women will never find a man that meets all the standards they set and that they should stop looking for perfection. Most women feel that if they don't set these standards how will they find a man worth spending their time and energy on.

My Opinion 

(WARNING: This is not expert advice and if you want that then hit up Dr. Phil but even he has relationship issues) 

Everyone has things that they just can't compromise on. Whether they're as big as religion or as superficial as pretty feet, I don't feel that anyone should compromise the things that mean most to them because at the end of the day they are the ones that will have to wake up to that person everyday for the REST OF THEIR LIVES.

BUT, ladies it's so easy for us to turn our noses up in the club at someone trying to dance with us in some busted sneakers. (men first impressions are important by the way so get your lives before trying to holla, please!) But sometimes we end up blocking out a really great person that you may have grown to love! Now don't get me wrong, I'm an expert at judging a book by its superficial cover which is just naturally part of a human's thought process but its good to add more variety in our selection. I believe us women like to narrow down the selection of men so we don't put ourselves in vulnerable situations. It's like a screening process to make sure we are investing time in the right man. Fashion (check), attractiveness (check), good breath (check), church goer (check), and then BAM they are barely making four figures. Then its "Oh hell no!" What do you do then? Well, what is his motivation level? Does he have bigger goals that he is working to to achieve in the future? Or does he take every footlocker pay check and put on a show for Instagram? Don't be so quick to write off potential NOT a fixer upper because a man will never change unless HE wants to. Now if you're asking for a high achieving man make sure you're a high achieving female. It's only right to require what you are also able to give, that way you both are growing together... not one lagging behind the other. Finding someone whose dreams and aspirations are aligned with where you want to be, should take priority over several other superficial standards.

Now men DON'T get too excited about my comments just yet. If you're trying to get with a girl, (I'm talking about a wifey type girl not "save-a-hoe" missions at KOD) then you need to get it just a tad bit together because if she's worth it she deserves the BEST you and if you're not ready to give her the best of you then walk away in the beginning NO HARM, NO FOUL. But if your trying to court, "flex", "put on", "wife that up", or "show out" make sure you have substance to back it up because a woman wants respect, stability, and emotional support and those things they should NEVER have to compromise on.

Honestly, we can set standards for who we'll fall in love with whether age, money, looks, or fashion sense; but we can never plan or predict love. But it shouldn't stop us from loving HARD!

"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 

Do you believe women hold standards that are too high? 

*Remember the conversation never stops here, it begins. Have a voice, make it count.*

So making references to rape makes you cool?

Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it

I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it

These are the lyrics in question in Rick Ross's latest song U.O.E.N.O (what the heck does that even mean! but I digress...) Really Mr. Rozay, I mean first of all (all jokes aside) he probably WOULD have to do that inorder for a decent girl to give him the time of day BUT then again he does have a long term girlfriend who is a designer and actually isn't ratchet classless. I mean I'm not proud but I guess...  Would love to see how she feels about these lyrics. But no word yet. But Mr. Ross has come out and apologized if you want to call it that via TWITTER (because that's what you do when its a serious topic like rape right? you tweet -___-). He stated...

I dont condone rape. Apologies for the #lyric interpreted as rape. #BOSS

OH. That was you apologizing?! Interpreted? Anyone with a 3rd grade vocabulary can see what this lyric is implying Sir BOSS. Who knew that apologies needed hashtags? Come on son... (in my gangsta voice) You can do better than that. 

This is how I feel... Of course no one will go around and say, "Oh me? Yeah I definitely condone rape!" unless they are out of their minds, especially not an artist who depends on the consumers for income. That's not what the public wanted to hear from him. As women, we walk parking lots at night cautiously with fear, we go on blind dates with doubt in the back of our minds, we take a buddy system to the restroom, we accept drinks only if we see them being poured ALL BECAUSE OF RAPE! He is speaking about putting drugs that will make a woman (that he knows!) unconscious in her drink and taking her home and sleeping with her without her even knowing! I dare him to go on a college campus if he's such a #BOSS and look these girls in the face that have been date raped at a college party or even worse and tell them that THEY are the ones that interpreted it wrong. Yeah, I don't think a cowardly person like him would. 

In a recent radio interview Ross said, "I would never use the term 'rape' in my records and as far as my camp. Hip-hop don't condone that, the streets don't condone that, nobody condones that. So I just wanted to reach out to all my queens that's on my timeline, all the sexy ladies, the beautiful ladies that have been reaching out to me with the misunderstanding: We don't condone rape, and I'm not with that." 

Clearly you're not with proper English either but stil no acknowledgement that what he said was WRONG, INAPPROPRIATE, and UNACCEPTABLE. Its not him I'm worried about because I can care less about his walking cinnabon ignorant behind. He doesn't live the life he raps about he just implants it into the empty minds of our generation. I'm worried that his ratchet followers will think its cool to drug up a girl at the club and sleep with her. Whether she's a shone or a saint AIN'T NO BODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! RAPE IS STILL RAPE IF SHE IS DRUGGED UP AND NOT COHERENT! Honestly, I even want to go as far as to say if you purposely get a girl drunk just to sleep with her to me that's a form of rape. For those who think its cute, I pray you never have a daughter. Be careful what you listen to and what you condone. I know I used to be a fan of Rick Ross but no longer... 

How do you feel about this issue? Should we boycott Rick Ross or is this lyric covered under freedom of expression? Can you still listen to Rick Ross and not support his comments? 

*Remember the conversation never stops here, it begins. Have a voice, make it count.*

And so it begins...

I am a blogger yes but you probably already know that. I run my own fashion blog (Cha Cha the Fashion Genius) which I have developed since 2010 full of my fashion addictions, events, and much more. But I wanted more... something less visual and more contextual. It was on my mind for a while to start an opinion column but I never really committed to the idea. Here I am now about to start this very opinionated journey. Honestly, I'm just a flamboyant girl you can't seem to keep her mouth shut! But hey you might as well embrace your weakness gift right? RIGHT.

This blog is all my opinion, correct. But its more than that. It's a conversation starter. You know the kind of conversation you rather sweep under that good 'ole rug we call denial. It's about having a voice, a voice you may get in trouble for sometimes (I've got into my fair share of foot in the mouth situations and dozens of detentions just for my vocal cords) but at least you have a voice, at least you have an opinion. EMBRACE IT!

As a little girl, I was BEYOND extra! I still am! I like to think of myself as a walking entertainment system bring life to all that I see but I'm not just a jokester. I'm a challenger. A quick talking, witty, comebacks always in my back pocket walking confrontation that just want to know what's REAL.

This journey will be great I can sense it. For me and for all those who read. I may have a big mouth and I may not have all the answers but you're guaranteed to get some real talk!